Dating someone with the same name as your brother

If toxic people were an ingestible substance, they would come with a high-powered warning and secure packaging to prevent any chance of accidental contact.Sadly, families are not immune to the poisonous lashings of a toxic relationship.When one person in a system changes, whether it’s a relationship of two or a family of many, it can be challenging.Even the strongest and most loving relationships can be touched by feelings of jealousy, inadequacy and insecurity at times in response to somebody’s growth or happiness.In any toxic relationship there will be other qualities missing too, such as respect, kindness and compassion, but at the heart of a toxic person’s behaviour is the lack of concern around their impact on others.They come with a critical failure to see past their own needs and wants.For the most part though, they will feel nurturing and life-giving to be in. Everything they do is to keep people small and manageable.

The difference is that healthy families and relationships will work through the tough stuff.When what comes back is scrappy, stingy intent under the guise of love, it will eventually leave you small and depleted, which falls wildly, terrifyingly short of where anyone is meant to be.Healthy people welcome the support and growth of the people they love, even if it means having to change a little to accommodate.We trust them, listen to them and absorb what they say.There would have been a time for all of us that regardless of how mind-blowingly destructive the messages from our family were, we would have received them all with a beautiful, wide-eyed innocence, grabbing every detail and letting them shape who we were growing up to be.

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