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They are beautiful, the son eating an ice cream cone, the young girl in overalls. is holding her up and she is grabbing his finger, and the finger is wearing a wedding ring. He believes that marriage is a path all men must travel at some point. wants to meet me, but he's not sure he can steal time away.

His message says, "Although we haven't yet met, something has happened (at least for me). is an engineer in his early 30s who practices birdcalling in his spare time, and sends me pictures of his younger days, when he went boating and life was dangerous and uncharted. If they've dated a woman for number of years, marriage comes next, an obligatory stop on the endless conveyer belt. For now, he is content to write — to paint the picture of the moment we lock eyes across a bar.

In the most extreme, these pronouns — to whom the men claim to be happily married — become antiheroes to the plan.

"She just canceled her dinner, so now I can't meet you on Tuesday.

But most have taken their pictures recently and surreptitiously.

In their bathrooms with their i Phones held up to the mirror, their faces partially obscured, their wives' J'adore behind them, on top of the toilet.

They list measurements and ask for yours, as though it's merely a matter of fitting one puzzle piece into another. Instead, I respond to the thoughtful ones, whose tales might help answer my questions.

"This is about It's true that one of the first men I meet fits that profile perfectly. tells me he can't have the kind of sex he wants to have with his wife because she's unwilling, and, on some level, he doesn't want to do those sorts of things with her.

He complains that she performs oral sex as if it were a chore.

"I could never have this conversation with her," he says.

"She would start talking about the baby, or moving out of the city." She does not wear lingerie for him, like she used to. This man is somewhat detached, but also eager as a boy.

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